Dealing with Potential Dealbreakers
By Gena Hymowech You meet someone, have a great time, and then she tells you something which makes you wonder whether you should even continue the relationship at all. What to do? Read on. Your date tells you she’s never been in a lesbian relationship before. Your first instinct may be to run. After all, how can she know she’s gay if she’s never been with a woman before? Well, just because she may not be 100% sure right now doesn’t mean she won’t be 100% sure eventually. There once was a time when you weren’t sure of yourself either, right? Or she may know for certain that she’s gay even though she hasn’t had sex with another woman before. It’s possible: So much of being gay is emotional. But still, you’re scared: what if she decides she’s straight after she’s been with you? Personally speaking, I don’t think you should dump someone just because they’ve never slept with another woman before. However, I would not take the relationship to a serious level until you are absolutely sure of her feelings. Go slow, and listen to your instincts, just as you would in any other relationship. Your date tells you she’s bisexual. From what I’ve observed, there is a huge prejudice against bisexual women in the lesbian community. I think this is terrible and see no reason why you shouldn’t date a bisexual woman. Just because someone is attracted to both men and women doesn’t mean she is going to cheat. A lesbian could be just as likely to cheat on you with other women, and by limiting your dating pool to only lesbians, you could be missing out on a lot of great dates. She has kids. Do you see yourself as a mom? Because if you get involved with a mother, the kids are yours as well. You will have to love them and care for them as if they’re your very own, even though you didn’t give birth to them. If you don’t think you can handle that, then it’s best to let this relationship go. She just got out of a sticky relationship. I would tread very cautiously in this case. Though she thinks she can handle a relationship, her heart may be shattered and her emotions on edge. Tell her you think she needs some time to get over the other relationship, but be there for her as a friend. Eventually, the friendship may morph into something deeper. She doesn’t believe in monogamy. Can you handle her seeing others? And are you also allowed to see others as well? Both of you need to have a serious discussion about this. Polygamy isn’t for everyone, but if you really like this woman, then it might be worth a shot. Just don’t fall into the trap of thinking that eventually she will settle down and just be with you. She doesn’t live in your state. If both of you have cars, and don’t mind traveling a lot, then it could work. You also have Skype and emails and IMs to fall back on. However, keep in mind that long-distance relationships are tough, even when both partners are devoted.